The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
