is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize