I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
