just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
