Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
