I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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