It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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