It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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