if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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