I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
YAS. BRING CRAB.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
