Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
