I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
