Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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