I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I want to fling myself into the sun
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
