how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
