i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
