How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
