I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
