i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
