well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
