when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
