And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
