so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
