There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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