What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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