don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
