Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
