I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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