yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
