covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We had sex on a dog bed..
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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