omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
