Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
