Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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