oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize