U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
