When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
