I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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