someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize