I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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