I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
