i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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