Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
