I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
