I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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