I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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