you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
