Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
