eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Acid is not a monday night drug
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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