90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
