I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
