she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
