Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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