I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
