Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
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