the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Drunk is a universal language darling
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
