Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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