he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
