walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The power of my boobs compel you
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