some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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