She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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