the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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