Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
