ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
