I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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