I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
