Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
