Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
