I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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