I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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