i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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