I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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