So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
