I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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