I want to walk on stilts...naked
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize