Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
How's work?
Spinning.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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