Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
