everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
