i jhust puked up my retainher.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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