Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
