so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
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