He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he quoted the bible to break up with me
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
