I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You're like the curious george of whores
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
