I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My vagina just clenched in fear
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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