After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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