Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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