hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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