you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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