JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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