every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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