He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
