oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
