So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
