It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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