It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize