I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
whose parrot is this?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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