Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
