I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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