Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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