no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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