Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
