they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize