how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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